Firsts
by ricetard
Summary: Bolin will always be Mako's first. / Oneshot, Mako/Bolin, with porn! Angst warning.


Bolin's five when Mako wakes up to the sound of Bolin's crying for the first time. It starts when the thunder and lightning outside jerks him awake; and then he hears a shudder and a gasp in the corner. It doesn't register with him for a moment until he realizes it's Bolin, and then he realizes it's Bolin crying.

Mako doesn't let Bolin let _him_see him cry - he never lets Bolin see him cry - but he knows Bolin's not like that, because Bolin's not afraid. So Mako reaches across the bed they're sharing, which is so big for the two small boys, and rests a hand on Bolin's shoulder.

Bolin steadies - he's not shuddering anymore - but Mako knows him well enough to know that tears are still streaming down his cheeks and he closes his eyes to prevent the sting in his own eyes. He's the strong one here. He has to be.

"Hey," says Mako, and it's barely audible above the thunder, barely visible above the lightning, but Mako trusts his brother to see and hear his words. "You okay?"

He sees the shake of Bolin's head.

"No," comes his brother's quiet voice. "D-Dad used to hold me w-when it was like this." A moment passes, and lightning flashes. "When it rains."

Mako knows that Bolin's scared of thunder and lightning but he usually doesn't cry about it. At the mention of their parents, though, he understands and Mako thinks he might cry, too.

He doesn't though.

"C'mere," Mako murmurs softly, and he knows when Bolin turns around he'll see that Mako's face is impassive, but Bolin will also know that beneath that mask is his strong, older brother.

So Bolin curls into Mako's neck and buries his face against his shoulder, and Mako's hand strokes the back of his neck and puts their father's scarf around the both of them. His brother feels so small against him, so small, and Mako rests his cheek against the top of his brother's head. When Bolin is done crying, he's asleep, so Mako lays him back down on the bed still with the scarf around him, and kisses him on the forehead because it feels right.

xx

Bolin learns about kisses when he's twelve years old.

Mako does too, when Bolin's twelve, but Bolin doesn't know; Mako suspects that, in his brother's eyes, Mako is sort of an idol to him. Mako knows that he's far from perfect and he knows that Bolin's going to become independent - hell, today he'd thrown an earth disk perfectly all by himself when they'd been training for Pro-Bending tryouts. Mako had been impressed, because it's not something he can teach him because he's a firebending and Bolin is, well, not, and Bolin's been working hard but failing every time. But Bolin's growing up.

He supposes he's thinking about their parents again; Bolin always does, Mako knows, and Bolin also knows that Mako doesn't like talking about it. Bolin doesn't know that Mako doesn't mind when Bolin talks about it, because Bolin's the only one who's allowed to - every once in a while. Bolin says, "Our parents really loved each other, right?"

Mako scoffs, because it's such a naive question. "Yeah, duh," he says, "because they had us." And then he hesitates, because he's not quite sure if Bolin understands the concept of child bearing yet. (His firebending teacher had told him about it last year, and it'd left Mako scarred for months. Doing such things to a girl seemed so wrong.)

Bolin's a bit quiet at this, so Mako takes the safe route and asks, "Why do you ask?"

"Well I just," says Bolin. "I saw a man and a woman on the street today and they were - " He presses his lips together and makes a sort of grimace, which Mako can't help chuckling at.

"Kissing?" he says. "You've seen people kiss before, Bo." He ruffles his brother's hair affectionately.

What he doesn't expect that Bolin says, "Yeah, well I was wondering what..." He shuffles his feet, toes the floor of the Pro-Bending practice room. "What it'd be like, you know. To kiss someone."

Mako thinks the idea is ludicrous and he scoffs, but then he sees how serious his brother is about this. "Come over here," he says, and when Bolin is within an arm's reach, he grabs his brother by his still-small shoulder, and leans over and pecks him quickly across the lips. The action causes Mako to blush, but he doubts Bolin notices.

xx

By the time he's eighteen, he comes to terms with the fact that he's asexual. Mostly. It stems from when he hangs out with Asami, and even though he finds himself romantically attracted to her - because she's pretty, and because Mako has always wanted someone pretty by his side - but he's never wanted to touch anything pretty, never wanted to stain it.

He's wanted to touch his brother and stain him and he thinks that's probably a bad thing; thinks he's probably a bad person. Korra doesn't understand when she tries to kiss him and he pulls away.

"I can't," he says, because all he can think about is that Korra is beautiful and he'd rather be with Bolin, instead.

"Why not?" she asks, and he can see that she's hurting. He can see that she's hurting, like Bolin had been that night with the thunderstorm.

"I can't," he says again, but he also says, "I like you," because he does like Korra because he likes her in the way that he'd used to like Asami, like he likes these girls.

But he doesn't like them the same way he likes Bolin, and it's all sorts of painful inside of him. He shies away when Korra tries to touch him again, only thinking of Bolin.

xx

It's well after the revolution and everything is finished. Korra is laughing and cheering all the time, as the Ambassador of Republic City, and while she and Mako don't do anything, people know that they're together. People know that Mako makes her happy and he makes her happy, and that's all the press needs - the happy Avatar, and her happy boyfriend. Happy fiance.

He's learned to live with it, like this. He knows it's not right, what he feels for his brother. It's entirely different. He loves Korra and he loves Asami, but Bolin is just a different story. He's just - Bolin. His brother's grown like a man for the past several years and he's deviated from his brother, he's learned to do his own things and have a mind of his own. He doesn't treat or think of Mako as an idol anymore, and sometimes Mako wonders if Bolin ever thinks of him as the stronger brother anymore.

Mako does what makes him happy, what makes the people happy, what he wants to make himself happy. And that's what he does when Bolin comes into his room one evening - they're not living in the attic anymore - fumbling with his fingers and looking nervous, and Mako looks up from the book he's been reading.

"What?" he says, because Bolin doesn't look up and it's obvious he has a problem.

"I, um," says Bolin, and a dark flush creeps on his cheeks. Mako admires the way it escalates. "I want to get further in my relationship with Asami," he says. "But I don't know how."

Mako knows what he means immediately, and he can sense what's about to happen. "Oh?" he says, trying not to get too excited. "What you've been doing wasn't enough?"

He remembers the times over the past few years when Bolin hadn't felt confident in any of his physical aspects at all, and it was Mako who had to see him naked and assure him that he as fit; Mako who had to assure him that Bolin was properly sized and hung; Mako who Bolin practiced his kissing with after Bolin had remembered that first kiss Mako had given him. (Mako sometimes regrets it, because of this ache.) Those kisses that they snuck in dark, across their shared beds and then separate beds, just to get Bolin to feel better.

Mako also sometimes wonders if Bolin had enjoyed it as much as he did.

Those sorts of things never happen anymore, but Mako can sense something new coming on. "No," says Bolin, because something is. "She wants to go further. And so do I."

Something pangs in Mako's chest then, but he ignores it. "C'mere," he says, reaching his hand out to him like they're five and seven years old again.

Bolin walks over to his bed and Mako takes his hand, pulls him in and presses his lips lightly to Bolin. Bolin doesn't pull back because he's probably still used to it, still used to it even though they haven't done it in forever.

"You need to be more confident," says Mako when they pull back. "You'd be fine."

"But I," says Bolin. "I've never done it before. Everything I've done with her, I've done with you. That's why I'm not confident now."

_Oh,_Mako thinks, and a pit of dread starts at the bottom of his stomach. A pit of something else starts, too, though he refuses to give it a name.

He kisses Bolin again instead, and lets his brother sit back against him, put his arms on either side of his body. When they've kissed enough, Mako is dazed and wonders if Bolin is doing it just because he feels good, or because he's trying to reassure himself before they do the inevitable.

"Okay," says Mako, and his voice is shaky because he's never done this before either. He has a bit more confidence than Bolin right now, though. "We're - We're not going to do it how you'd do it with her, but I'll give you an idea, okay?"

Bolin nods, his eyes trained on Mako carefully as Mako gently pushes him off. He says to Bolin, "Lie down," and then after a thoughtful moment, asks, "Do you want to skip right to the - sex?"

"I want to do the things I'd do with her," says Bolin. "Before we'd, uh, do it."

"All right." Mako prevents his cheeks from coloring. He leans over and kisses him again, puts his knees on either side of Bolin's torso so he's straddling him. "I'm going to take off your pants now," he whispers against Bolin's lips.

Bolin nods, like he's being read an instruction manual on How To Have Sex, and Mako feels his heart do that annoying thrumming thing. It's not a good feeling, and he wishes it'd stop.

His hands reach down to Bolin's waist, and he slowly slips his brother's pants off as he continues leaning down and kissing him. They've done more than this close-mouthed kissing, but Mako doesn't want to break his own heart too much by doing more, by feeling more of Bolin around him.

So it's Bolin who breaks his heart when he slips his tongue between Mako's teeth and Mako almost wants to cry like a five-year old at the feeling of Bolin's wet warmth inside his mouth. He lets out a small moan, like he's enjoying this for the sake of enjoying it, and slips the rest of Bolin's pants down to his ankles. Bolin shakes them so they fall to the floor.

"And my underwear?" says Bolin, panting against Mako's face.

"Yes, that, if you really do plan on fucking anyone," says Mako, and Bolin lets out a breathless chuckle. "You should take off the rest of your clothes, too," Mako adds as an afterthought, not really realizing what he's saying.

Bolin shrugs out of his jacket and strips his shirt off, though Mako isn't taking Bolin's underwear off yet because he's too busy staring at his brother's sculpted body. Broad, firm shoulders. Muscles taut along his arm. Through his undershirt, which Bolin is now struggling to take off, he can see the outlines of Bolin's abs, and Mako is growing uncomfortably hard between his brother's legs.

"Aren't you going to take off your clothes, too?" asks Bolin, as he scrunches up to take off his underwear.

"Oh - yes," says Mako, and he does that, though adding all the while, "But hopefully when you do this with Asami, it'll be less - you know - like this." He gestures to the both of them, and Bolin lets out a sort of confused chuckle - like he doesn't know what he means, because he thinks the way they're doing this is sort of perfect.

Mako doesn't let this thought get to his head. He's out of his shirt within moments, and Bolin gives him one of those joking grins when he looks up at him. "You've been working out," he says, touching Mako's sculpted abs.

Mako tries not to blush. "So have you," he says, indicating Bolin's naked torso. "Pro-Bending, remember?"

"Yeah, but - it's been a while since I've seen you like this." _Like this._Because the last time they'd seen each other naked was only passing by in the showers. The last time they'd seen each other naked like this, Bolin had wanted Mako to help him with his first time masturbating.

"Yeah," says Mako, shaking himself out of his thoughts. He pulls himself out of his pants, and then his underwear, and then is aware of the cool air against his ass. "Let's do this."

"What - What should we do first?"

When Mako looks back down at his brother, he does his best to not focus on his brother's cock, although that's going to be needing some attention in the next few minutes. He focuses on Bolin's face instead, which is a bit colored and his pupils are a bit dark, though Mako thinks he might be imagining things.

"Do you still have that oil I gave you when we were thirteen?" he asks. The oil he'd given him after Mako had first jerked him off.

"Y-Yeah." Bolin stares up at him for a moment, and then, realizing what he's asking for, reaches underneath his mattress and pulls it out. "This?"

"Yeah."

Mako pours some into his palm, but his fingers are sort of shaking so he accidentally gets a little too much. Whatever, it's not going to make a difference, he tells himself.

He starts stroking Bolin, and Bolin inhales sharply, jerking back in surprise. "You - You're going to - ?"

"No," says Mako. "This is just to prepare." He hopes that Bolin doesn't notice that Mako is already hard without being touched, and he hopes that Mako is a bit hurt that he has to stroke him to get Bolin himself hard.

Bolin's breaths come out into little pants and his cock is getting stiffer, redder as all the blood rushes to it. "F - Fuck," he says. "Mako, I think I'm going to - "

"Don't," says Mako warningly. "That's what sex is for. You're not supposed to. Not - yet."

He sighs and then asks Bolin, "You're going to be okay?" Bolin nods, though whimpers a little when Mako pulls his hand back, and Mako pauses for only a second, wondering if that was intentional.

He sits himself on Bolin's hard stomach, although not all the way because while Bolin is strong, Mako isn't really light either. He lifts up himself in the air and slicks his fingers with the oil again, before reaching around to his ass and gently pressing his fingers in.

Before Bolin can even let out a, "What are you doing?" from his open mouth, Mako explains, "This isn't going to be the same with Asami. You might have to do this to her, but I'm not going to make you do this with me because - it's different. I'm not a girl." He chuckles, and then winces as he pulls himself a little bit wider, to get ready for his brother's cock.

"Maybe I should practice with a girl, then," says Bolin, though he's smiling and Mako knows he's joking.

"You're not going to be able to find someone as good as me," says Mako, though _he's_not joking despite he's smiling. "You won't need to lubricate herself, either, unless she's dry - but if you've made out with her and touched her - breasts and all that, I doubt she will be."

The mention of breasts suddenly gets Bolin interested, and he looks at Mako's chest experimentally. "Can I - ?" he asks, because they've never touched each other's nipples before.

It feels ridiculous and childish to Mako, but he sees the question in Bolin's eyes and figures that even though he's no girl, there might not be much difference in the stimulation. "Sure," he says, not meeting Bolin's eyes, and Bolin reaches over and traces a finger over Mako's nipple.

It grows hard instantly and Mako would be humiliated at the realization, if the feeling hadn't felt so good to him. He nearly melts under Bolin's touch, letting him stroke both nipples over and over again, and then Bolin, with a curious expression on his face, leans over and licks Mako's nipples as well. Mako shudders and does his best not to collapse in his brother's hold.

"Will she do that too?" asks Bolin when he releases his brother and Mako lets out a long sigh.

"Yes," says Mako, because he can't expect anyone not to.

He's wetter than he'd originally planned himself to be (although some of that may be the result of Bolin touching his nipples) but that's okay because Mako thinks it might've been a while since he'd slicked Bolin up. He runs his wet fingers along Bolin again and Bolin moans, but Mako presses the index finger of his other hand to Bolin's mouth and says, "Not yet."

Then, carefully, very carefully, he puts both hands on Bolin's hips and slowly lowers himself down on him. A searing pain shoots through him but Mako can't help but be embarrassedly aroused by this, because this is Bolin and he takes on the pain, he takes on the hurt and the pain and brings him inside. All of Bolin sinks into him and there's still some left and Mako isn't sure how much will go, but god, fuck, he wants this and he just lowers himself until he can't feel anything but the pain, the hot, searing pain.

"M-Mako, are you okay?" asks Bolin worriedly, and his voice is coming out in little gasps and Mako realizes that Bolin is as turned on as he is by this.

"I'm fine," he says, and then almost deliriously he laughs and says again, "I'm fine." Goddamn he's fine, and goddamn if this isn't the most wonderful and painful thing he's ever experienced.

Bolin doesn't have time to ask anymore questions because Mako braces his hands on Bolin's hips again and starts thrusting himself back up, then down. The friction against Bolin's cock gets to him and Bolin starts moaning, and gasping, and all these delicious sounds Mako wants to elicit from him, only him, and only for Mako's ears. He rides Bolin quicker, shooting up faster, and he doesn't care each time he feels a sting in his ass because this is all worth it for the look on Bolin's face, and presses back sobs, because fuck, this, _fuck_.

"This... isn't... quite the same," he manages to get out as he goes on Bolin's cock, "but... you get the idea. The motions... are similar." He doesn't know how to breathe now, and when he adjusts his hands on Bolin's hips and angles himself a bit differently, he feels Bolin's cock go somewhere else, then - _fuck!_there's the place and Mako's going to come, he knows he's going to.

"What's different?" asks Bolin breathlessly even though he's not doing any of the work, and Mako hears his hoarse voice and laughs deliriously again as he comes, all over his chest, all over his and Bolin's. Bolin doesn't seem to mind, though, as he watches Mako thrust up and down, and by the way that Bolin's breathing is becoming shallower, Mako gets the hint that he's nearing the brink as well.

He chokes back sobs, again, except this just makes him sob harder and before he knows it, his eyes are stinging and are watering and, shit, tears are streaming down his face and Mako doesn't know why, why, if it's from the pain of _him_, or the inner turmoil going on inside Mako's chest that he doesn't want to think about.

Bolin reaches out and touches his face and that just makes Mako cry harder. "Hey, what's wrong?" he says, and Mako shakes his head and doesn't let Bolin touch him, because he's still riding him and his balls are stiff and shit.

"Nothing - I just... " Mako breaks off with a laugh despite his tears, and then he stops because he angles himself in such a way that Bolin is suddenly coming inside of him and, and Mako's hard again but he doesn't have any energy anymore. So he just leans forward on Bolin's broad chest as Bolin comes, tucks his head into Bolin's neck as Bolin comes, nips at the sensitive skin beneath his chin as Bolin comes into him.

It takes a while for them to calm down, but Mako pulls himself off and rolls beside his brother. Even though his cheeks are still wet and tear-stained, he's too happy. This is too good to be true, he thinks, and he'll have to get himself back down to reality sooner or later.

"That's it," he says, sober now. "But it is a bit - different. Different hole, and," he rolls his eyes as Bolin chuckles, "you want to use some protection if you don't want to get her pregnant, and there's also that - "

He stops, because even though he would've said that he can't expect Asami to do all of the work, he can't see Bolin doing all of the work either. Actually, he can't see Asami _not_doing all of the work, and their similarity hurts him a little more.

"Nah, it's fine bro, we want to have kids," says Bolin with a little laugh, wiping the sweat off his face. He looks shocked, but immensely pleased. "Preferably after we get married. But thanks."

He slips off the bed and starts putting his clothes back on, while Mako rubs his ass and ignores the pangs in his chest at Bolin's words. "Yeah, of course," he says to Bolin's back. "But it's still pretty much the same."

Bolin gets his pants on, adjusts his jacket, and then turns to the door. Like nothing had happened. Mako's too tired to get his own clothes back on; he just wants to fall into everything and nothing. He picks up his book instead and avoids looking at his brother anymore.

From the corner of his eye, he sees Bolin look at Mako for one last time before leaving. "Thanks," Bolin says, and Mako doesn't say anything as Bolin leaves.

xx

"Uncle Mako! Uncle Mako! Look what I can do!"

Mako laughs as he plays with his nephew, the only firebender child of Bolin's other earthbenders and nonbenders. He helps him with his hot squats, and teaches him how to shoot embers at an early age. He lets Asami tell him what a great uncle he is, lets Bolin laugh and smile and say, "Thanks bro, you're the best."

Mako smiles at Korra and at the ring on her finger, but even more at the proud look on his brother's face. He knows he loves them both.

But he can feel a hole in his heart, reminding him that Bolin will always be his first.

* * *

**I suppose I should include an explanation for this! Basically, I've already predicted/figured that Mako/Korra will be endgame in Legend of Korra so I didn't really go deep down into their relationship, but basically I was imagining that they had a mutual understanding and Mako really _does_ love Korra, but more as a sister, semi-romantic and not in a sexual sense. With Bolin, Mako loves him in every way, shape and form... but yeah ): SORRY FOR HAVING THIS BE DEPRESSING AFTER THE NEXT EPISODE I PROMISE TO WRITE HAPPY BOLIN/MAKO.**


End file.
